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Question: Sir, there is something negative in our mind. And the more I suppress it, it keeps on increasing. So, what’s the way out?
Acharya Prashant: The only reason, why negative feelings keep on increasing, is because you want to suppress them. There is a great pleasure in suppression of negative feelings. You see, whether you enhance the feeling or suppress it, ultimately you get a sense of power. The ego says, “I am suppressing”, or “I am being entertained”.
A far better thing is to just see, what that feeling is all about. You have a healthy mind. Look at that feeling. Why do you repeatedly keep getting this feeling? What does this feeling say? Ask the feeling, “What do you want? What really is your demand? Why do you keep coming again and again? And you are welcome, it is not that I want to expel you from my house. I Am not suppressing you. But I want to know that why are you a recurrent visitor to my home?” Ask it. And to ask that, you will have to be friends with that feeling. Not thinking that, that feeling is your enemy.
Because, a thousand feelings will come to you – envy, jealousy, fear, hatred, competition, ambition. You cannot fight them all, and there is no need to fight them. What to do with them?
Listeners: Forget about that, ignore, you can say to yourself that it is not compulsory to think about them.
AP: All these things that you said, in all those cases, are you really friends with the feelings? If you are friends with somebody, do you ignore them? Do you forget them? Do you say that, You are not compulsory?
All these three responses that you gave, they came from fear. You are afraid of that feeling and that is why that feeling keeps on coming again and again.
Have guts, be courageous. When that feeling comes, say, “Ah! the feeling has come again, right. Let us sit down like friends and talk. Miss feeling, what do you want?”
Why ignore it? And can you ignore it? Are you actually ever able to ignore it? It destroys your mood. And if something is able to destroy your mood, are you actually ignoring it, or becoming a victim? You are saying, “Forget it.” Are you able to forget it? There is no way you can forget it.
L: Just like killing our enemy, we ourselves become an enemy. We should change that enemy.
AP: And that thought is you. At that moment, that is what your real identity is. It is like trying to defeat one hand with another hand, which hand will win? Using one thought you are trying to conquer one thought with another thought. And both the thoughts are in your mind. Which hand will win? No hand will win, you will be defeated. You will be exhausted.
So, first thing, accept yourself.
Drop this approach that something needs to be controlled. Nothing needs to be controlled; it is all fine, good, alright. Nothing needs to be controlled. You only need to understand, not control.
Understand, not control.
The urge to control comes from a moralistic mind. It comes from a violent mind. It comes from a mind that has already been tutored that something is good and something is bad, something needs to be controlled. Nothing needs to be controlled. Everything is alright. There is nothing in existence which needs to be controlled.
Everything just needs to be? Understood.
And to understand something, you need to be friends with it.
L: Sir, please explain with an example, like Anger?
AP: So, how can you control Anger? You look at people, are you able to find them able to control Anger? People flare up at the flimsiest of reasons. Sometimes, there is no reason to get angry and people are so angry. And you are looking at them and wondering, what is wrong with him? And after two hours, you are in the same shoes – Getting angry for nothing. (Smiling)
Who can control anger? When anger comes, tell yourself, “I am getting angry again and this anger is because I wanted something, I did not get it.” The expectations are being hurt, so anger is normal.
But to do this, you will have to have two things. One, honesty. Second, courage. Why honesty? Because you know, we get a certain pleasure in anger, have you experienced that? You are frustrated. And then when you are able to shout at somebody, a certain pleasure. It is because of this pleasure that you want to be angry. And then you ask me, “How to control anger?” Isn’t it so that you want to be angry? And that is the reason why, after you have been angry, you sometimes feel peaceful, nice, good. The ego has had a massage. I was able to shout at him. So, I am feeling good. Because there is a pleasure in anger.
So, be honest that I am the one who is nurturing anger all the time. That is the part about honesty. The second part is about courage. When anger comes, I am repeating, be friends with it, not enemies. Anger is there, alright anger is there. What is the big deal? It is there with everyone. Why get all worked up about it, “I am angry, I am angry.” Changing your Facebook status, “Angry”, why? It is alright. Anger is not something alien.
L: Sir, do you get angry?
AP: Anger comes, there is no doubt about it. Now, whether I get angry or not, that is another matter.
L: Sir, how to understand it, through questions?
AP: By being aware that it is coming. Let it not enter like a thief. You don’t even know and it has made some kind of a backdoor entry. Anger has come, you stand upon the door, and say, “Welcome Sir, again you have come. All the time you want to come.” It comes. Till the time, there are situations, there is a body, there will be reasons for anger to come, but there is no reason, for you to be dominated. Let it come and when it comes, don’t feel small. Don’t feel as if something very bad has happened.
Breath goes in and goes out. Hunger comes, fatigue comes, tears come, anger too can come. What is the big deal?
Watch the session: Acharya Prashant: Don’t Suppress.Just understand The transcription has been edited for clarity.
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