There is always the threat of our self-image being lost destroy and distorted.
“If others are telling you that you are a leader then who is leading whom? Are you a leader or they are leading you into believing that you are a leader?”
The others are always dominating the mind. Ask yourself that all you know about yourself how much is first hand? Of all the identities you carry how many intrinsic all yours and how many have been supplied by external situations, society, powers.
The more you are living with a borrowed self-concept with a borrowed self-image the more you will be afraid of the world. It’s a slavery.
The more you start looking at yourself with your own eyes, the less dependent you are on anybody else. The less dependent you are on anybody else, the less is the fear of losing your self-image.
You want to get rid of fear then reduce your dependency on others. Say, I have intelligence. I have my eyes. Let me use that to directly look at things.
What most of you call as your own, has not really been your own.
Wherever there is the other, wherever there is dependence on the other, there is fear and hence a search for safety.
Are you getting this?
I’m dependent upon the industry for my self-worth. Let them come and give me a job that makes me feel safe, right? And not just one job offer, I want to have two. One in hand, one in pocket. Now you’re dependent, severely dependent. How am I looking? I depend on somebody else to approve my looks. You’re playing safe. So, whosoever advocates safety, is first and foremost a man who is afraid. Because the real need not be saved. The real is never threatened. Only the unreal, the borrowed stuff is threatened.
The real can never be taken away. Never. No one can take it away from you. What can be taken away is anyway borrowed. Let it go. What was never yours, what is the point in protecting? What was never yours need not be protected, and what is yours can never be taken away. So, all fear is stupidity. No point playing safe. That does not mean that I am asking you to go and stand in front of a moving bus. I’m saying, “Be situated in your essential nature.” Don’t be trembling all the time. Let the feeling that some loss is going to happen not trouble you all the time.
Read the complete article: How important is not ‘playing safe’ in life?
What kind of relationship does one have in loneliness?
A relationship of dependence,
a relationship of expectations
that are never going to be fulfilled,
a relationship of craving, begging, attachment.
And I am not referring to these words just because in traditional, spiritual literature they are referred to vices. We all want a particular peace.
We all want peace.
I am referring to these words because they will not let us reach there; that point of contentment.
In loneliness, any and every relationship that one has is a relationship that only augments our pre-existing restlessness.
While I watch everything around me, I cannot for a moment, forget that all this around me is great only till the time You are with me.
When You are gone, then nothing matters.
And when You are there, then we can just casually play, or try and experiment with anything and everything.
We can go and have a game somewhere.
Will it matter if we win that game?
Well, not much.
Will it matter if we lose that game?
Well, not much.
Because the game was for our sake, we are not for the sake of the game.
Have you seen these kinds of people, who appear nice and peaceful as long as certain conditions are been satisfied in their environment?
But the moment their environment takes an unpredictable turn or changes, in a direction that they do not support or like, these people simply lose their cool. Their mental poise is all gone! The man who appeared so composed is suddenly a mess – angry, violent, out of his mind.
This is the mind that lives by knowledge.
It’s a different center of living all together, it’s a dependent center.
And then there is a mind that lives by itself.
This is the mind that, I say, lives in constant knowing.
As far the world of senses and perceptions goes, knowledge may have some utility.
Only as long as I am ignorant, knowledge may have some utility.
But if I am talking about the Real; if I am talking about the Truth, then knowledge does not mean anything.
We do not mind at all when somebody tells us in the morning that you are handsome, you are looking wonderful. We think that this is what I am.
But you do not pay attention, you do not realize that, now you have given this person the license to say something to you in the evening. In the morning the fellow told you that you are looking wonderful, and in the evening if the same fellow comes and says that you are stupid, you have to take that in. You have made yourself dependent on him.
By accepting what the world is saying about you, you make the world your master. ‘I am brilliant because my entire batch is telling this to me. If I am brilliant because my entire batch tells this to me, then I will be an idiot if I my batch tells this to me. I need to be afraid of my batch. I cannot offend my batch anymore. If I offend them, they might call me an idiot.’
When we grandly accept it, then we have made that fellow our master. We have no eyes to see ourselves directly. We look at ourselves through the eyes of others. Whenever we have done this, we must realize that we have made the other, our master. Now we are dependent on others.
Whenever there is dependence, there is fear. And that is the reason why you are afraid of others. That is the reason why anybody is ever afraid of anything or anybody. That is dependence. If you want to live fearlessly, then stop being dependent on others.
Find out your dependence. Find out in what ways you are dependent and on whom. Look at your dependencies. Try to find out. Wherever will be your dependency, there will be fear because you will be afraid that the fellow can take something from you. The more dependent you are, the more afraid you will be. The key to fearlessness is independence. The key to fearlessness is freedom.
~ Excerpts from the article, ‘Why can’t I speak in front of others?‘. Edited for clarity.