How To Bring About A Total Women’s Revolution?

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Question: Acharya Ji, how to bring women’s revolution?

What does it mean to be a woman? A lot that is hurtful. Why must one keep bearing the hurt? One bears the hurt because one is drawing certain comforts. The hurt is deep and lasting, the comforts are cheap. The comforts, like the hurts, are both – physical and psychological.

There has to be a total revolution in the way, the woman looks at herself.

She cannot be a creature of the nest.

As long as the nest exists, the woman would be exploited.

With females in the animal kingdom, the nest is possible. The nest works because animals are just biological or at least mostly biological. They are not governed predominantly by social forces. Prakrati governs them. And so, if Prakrati dictates the female animal to have a nest, it works. Animal female is an animal, born an animal, dies an animal, is not ambitious, lives just fulfilling her Prakratik roles. The animal male is too just an animal, is born an animal, dies an animal and has no ambition beyond his Prakratik mandate to conquer or exploit.   

But man is not merely biological, man is social as well. And man has a social mandate to conquer, exploit. He exploits everything, he exploits Prakrati, and that’s what you call development. Don’t you? He exploits his intellect, and that you call as ‘knowledge’. Don’t you? And this man will exploit everything. And you feel greatly happy, when man exploits everything. Why will the man not exploit the woman? No animal is supposed to exploit, but man is supposed to exploit. Is he not?

Man exploits the earth to get minerals, man exploits the earth to get crops.  Man exploits everything that he can. And that is not considered really immoral. In fact we reward those who are the most clever exploiters. If you can exploit the atom to get energy, you feel so happy. Don’t you? The atom, in its own Prakratik way was not eager to supply you energy. But you took the atom and said, “I am in need of energy because I am ambitious, because I want more comfort. So, I will exploit this atom and get energy.” And if you can break open the atom and get energy, you feel happy and you respect and reward those, who do all these things.

So, if man gets recognition, respect and reward for exploiting, why would the men spare the women, or even the women spare the men? But the woman, the human female, is biologically conditioned to have a nest, just as the animal female is. But for the animal female, the nest is the end of the story. Nothing happens beyond that. The nest is made, the young ones are there, and then the rest of the Prakratik story unfolds, and that’s it. In humans, there is society beyond biology. So, if the woman is in the nest, that gives an opportunity to the man to exploit her even more.

The male bird will not exploit the female bird, when she cannot fly, because she is taking care of the eggs or the young ones. The male bird would not exploit her then. But in humans, the male is likely to exploit the female, when she is sitting in the nest to take care of the little baby.

The woman will have to go beyond her biological self.

The nest is the expression of the woman’s biological self.

As long as there is the nest, the woman would keep getting exploited.

Unfortunately, the woman is still thinking that the nest is her asset, that the nest is her protective cocoon.

The nest is not your friend; the nest is not your fortress. The nest is your cage. The man is just indifferent to the nest. The woman should be repugnant to the nest. Instead, the woman is the one, who seeks the nest. And when a human female is seeking a nest, she is only seeking a prison. Man does not rebel against the nest, man is just indifferent. Right? If there is nest, man says, “Okay, I will come.” If there is no nest, man is okay with the hotel room. Man is okay with even the hostel, man is prepared sometimes to sleep under the sky, beneath a tree.

It is the woman, who demands the nest.

The woman would have to actively rebel against the nest.

As long as there is the nest, the woman will remain chained.

Ironically, the woman is the one, who clamors for the nest.

If there is a relationship, it would be the woman, who would keep asking actively , “Darling, when are we getting married?” And after the marriage, she will be the one who will keep pestering, when will we have a house of our own.

The woman is her own worst enemy because she is very- very biology driven. Man too is biology driven but he abides by his intellect too. He abides by his intellect much more than the woman does. The woman is extremely biological.

And that is beautiful in some sense, because if you are not biological then you are probably intellectual, and the intellect is a bigger curse than it is a boon. The woman is simpler, more innocent.

I would dare to say that – the woman is simple and innocent, just as animals are, because woman, just as animals, is biology driven. She is emotional and her emotions do not really arise from understanding, not even from intellect. Her emotions arise from her body, from her biological conditioning, from her hormones. Look at the way she is attached to the baby. That does not involve any understanding. All that is pure biology, hormones. Man has no such chains. Man has no such compulsions.

It is biology that confines, and chains, and imprisons the woman.

As long as the woman keeps herself identified, with her body, the nest and biology, there is no freedom for her.

As long as the woman keeps thinking that her body is an asset, there is no freedom for her.

As long as the woman keeps thinking that the freedom is about flaunting her body, there is no freedom for her.  

The woman is the more oppressed of the two genders, and therefore, the revolution must arise from the woman.

Woman by rebelling against the body, will be the harbinger of the revolution that will liberate the entire mankind – women and men, both included.

But if you will ask me between these two genders, which one is likely or which one rather must initiate the revolution, I would say, the woman. Because, the woman is more oppressed of the two. Once the revolution begins, obviously the man too will be liberated.

But just as a woman gives birth to a man, woman will also need to give birth to the freedom of man. Man will not be able to give birth to his own freedom. Freedom too will be borne out of the woman. That does not seem to be happening. Woman remains terribly body-identified. And that which you call as ‘modernity’, or ‘liberation’, or even ‘feminism’, is unfortunately even more body-centric. It’s just that now the body-centricity is a little hidden.

There is only one way to go beyond the body, and that is the way of Truth, the way of Spirituality. All other ways go from the body to the body. So, you can go from veiling to revealing, but you are just going from the body to the body. What were you veiling? The body. And now what are you revealing? The body.

All these great liberation movements have taken you from the body to the body. So, there is no liberation at all, you are just being cheated and fooled. The only way, the women can be liberated, is the spiritual way, the spiritual route. Ahhh! Now that sounds so old fashioned. Doesn’t it? In fact, you would love to say that religion is the curse of woman, that using religion, the woman has been confined and oppressed and what not. But all that was false religion. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.

If the woman can be saved, it is only through true Spirituality because Spirituality alone can take you out of your body identification.

The body, the hormones, the maternity, the nest, as long as these remain important to the women, no liberation, no liberation at all.

And when her body will cease to be important for her, the man too will cease to be important for her.

Man rides upon woman, enslaves woman, because the man is very important for the woman.

Woman may not be the center of the man’s world, but go to most women and you will find that man is the center of woman’s world.

It is quite strange.

If you want to test this, go and conduct an experiment. Test it. What is the woman thinking of? Her thoughts are much more biologically driven. What is she thinking of? Once she has become the mother, she is thinking of the kids. The wife thinks more of husband’s welfare, than the husband thinks of wife’s welfare. Isn’t that a general rule? The wife is ready with the dinner and the husband often does not return in time. Now, who has been thinking more about the other? The wife. And all this has been taken as her humanity, her kindness. She has been called as ‘motherly’, and ‘nurturing’, and she has been venerated, deity-fied, praised.

Don’t take that respect, that veneration, by being turned into a deity.

You are being confined within four walls of the temple.

Don’t accept that.

The man should not be at the center of woman’s world.

By the way, if the men want to rule over the women, let them rule. Let the men keep thinking of the women, the women must be independent of the men. I know, that is not easy. I know, I am asking something close to impossible, but that is the only way out.

Women will have to stop giving men so much importance. The importance that a woman gives to her body, her biology, her nest and man, are all one. Is there a nest without a man? The woman does not build the nest for herself. She builds it for herself, and her man. If you will go and figure out the fact of loneliness, it is the woman who is more susceptible to loneliness. Men make merry even in the company of men. You will find boys’ gang going all over, all around. A group of six boys having fun, but rarely would you find a group of six girls having fun. They need men. Six girls are not happy together. Six boys on the contrary can be very happy together.

The woman needs man, and that’s what keeps her bonded.

We need girls’ gangs.

We need girls’ communes.

We need women to be alright with themselves. We don’t want women to be emotionally dependent, or biologically dependent on men. We don’t want a woman to seek a man to complete her identity. We don’t want the woman to seek a man to complete her name.

Are you getting this?

If you say that you are a mother, what are you always looking for? Looking for a child. And when you are not a mother, you are a wanna-be mother. If you are a wanna-be mother, then you are always looking for the husband, and his sexual power. And you are saying, “I am dependent on you. My womb is empty and waiting. Come, fill it up. My nest is so lonely without you.”

And a lot of that is done, just in the name of Mamta. The women is such a perpetual mother, she is a mother even to the husband. She begins as the girl-friend and ends as the mother. Six months, she remains as girl-friend, one year as a wife, rest of the life, she is a mother to everybody. And she finds great pride in declaring that.

If she has a son and a daughter, she will say, I have three kids. And all three behave in the same way. They are dependent on me, they suck upon me. I prepare food for all. I wash everybody’s clothes; there is no difference between the kids and the husband. As long as you take your biological-role seriously, you will remain in chains. And your biological role confines you to the nest. Mark the nest, that’s your enemy. That’s the enemy. But you take that as your security cordon. You say, “Within this, I am so safe. Within this, I don’t have to experience the dirt, and the harsh sun.” Chill? No.

Get out of the nest, hit the road.

The nest! Nothing else – the nest!

I don’t know, Shilpi whether I have answered you, and Parmeshwari, you too.

Getting it?

Never get married into a home. Never get married into a family. Never become a queen of the bedroom or a kitchen, or the entire house. Just the nest or parts of the nest. And don’t be so identified with the damn eggs. All the time concerned with the eggs, the eggs, the eggs.

Look at what the market says, when it talks of women. Are there books specific to the women? But look at the advertisements. What are they selling, when it comes to the women? Stuff related to the eggs, and the body. Man might even be sold frequent flyer programs, because he travels a lot. But woman is always targeted to sell the lip gloss, the bra and egg paint. Why aren’t the airlines targeting you to sell their frequent flyer programs, I ask you. Why don’t you fly away? Fly away from the nest, that’s your only chance.

Cars are being sold and the target customer is man, and the woman is being used to sex up the car. Very few car companies are targeting to sell cars to women. Such an insult it is. No car manufacturer thinks that an entire model can be brought out to serve the needs of the women. But the woman is always present in the car advertisement. And what is she doing there? Displaying the curves. And the manufacturer is saying, “My car is as curvy as this woman. All the men, come over.”

Be the user of the car, not the doll in the car.

Learn to be on the driver’s seat, not on the rear seat or the seat next to the driver. Learn to hold the steering, get out of your nest. And don’t be so damn particular about your sexuality and virginity, and what else – all body stuff, my biggest asset is my eye brows, and lips and curves and virginity. Now what do you expect from the life? What else will you get, except bondages and imprisonment?

Knowledge must be your asset, strength must be your asset, exposure must be your asset, money must be your asset and overall, Truth must be your asset.

Not your breasts and hips.

You spend so much of time pandering to the needs of the body.

Spend time enriching yourself, spend time gaining knowledge, spend time skilling yourself.

Why do we find so few women in science?

Out of the list of the 800-900 Noble laureates, why are there so few women?

Why are so few women in the science laboratories in the world?

Where are they in politics, in sports, at least in the developing countries?

Where are they in literature, in all ways of creativity?

I will tell you, where they are. They are in the nest.

When man is busy creating a new machine, the woman is busy looking after her eggs. Now who will rule and who will be the slave? Tell me. Tell me. And unfortunately, the woman is preparing herself, just to receive the man. The woman is actually more self-less than the man. She is the finer product of evolution than man. So, the man will be busy enhancing his business or creating a new machine, and the woman would be busy taking care of the house and cooking food for the man. Now man has done everything for his own personal development, he will be called as the ruler of the business empire. And what is the woman doing? Doing the man’s laundry and cooking his dinner.

And he returns more and more empowered everyday because eight-ten hours of the day, he is working in his self-interest. He is working to gain money, working to gain respect, power, strength. And what is the woman doing all this while? Taking care of the eggs, doing the laundry, doing the meals. And then she expects that the man will be honest and kind enough to grant her an equal status. Why this exploitative man, as man is defined to be, why will this man grant her an equal status? Why? The man is the king and pardon me for being harsh, you are just his concubine.

You may call yourself as ‘the queen’ but you are not. A harlot you are. The king can throw you away, whenever he pleases. Be less emotional, the emotion is the woman’s undoing. Don’t weep so frequently, mind those tears. You think, your tears are your strength? They are your biggest weakness. Curse yourself for weeping out. Stay strong. Don’t give in to the emotional traps.

The man says, “Darling, why do you have to work. You stay at home, I will work. You take care of the bed, of the eggs, of the babies, and your mother-in-law. I will bring in the booty and obviously, you have equal rights over that. My money is your money,” never accept this temptation. His money is never your money. Never ever try to think that his money is your money. If you don’t earn anything, then you are a beggar, and that’s all. Full stop. He might be earning millions, but if you don’t earn anything of your own, you don’t earn anything. Full stop. Emotions, tears, biology, nest – that’s the woman’s world. And she is so easy to fool. So easy to fool. The man has been forever fooling the woman, and the woman still doesn’t want to wake-up.

One feels like worshiping the woman for enduring so much. One feels like worshiping the woman for being so willingly exploited. And one feels like slapping her hard in the face, for being so stupid. Her own worst enemy, she is.

Talk emotions to her and she will be pleased. Talk sense to her, and she will be offended. Truth is often rough and blunt and harsh. Tell the Truth to her, and she feels – he doesn’t love me. And offer her emotional sweeties, and you will be the best friend she ever had. I personally have so much trouble with women. So difficult to teach her. And if you somehow manage to teach them a little, they become emotional.

I know lot of what I have said, is a sweeping generalization, but still it is very pertinent and applicable. Don’t just dismiss what I am saying as ‘stereotyping’. I might be stereotyping, yet what I am saying is relevant for a great majority of men and women.

What is this thing with long hair? Why must you keep long hair? I am asking you. So that men has ease in pulling your hair and controlling you by your hair. You are already physically weaker and then, you have long tail up here. Anybody can hold your tail and control you. Even a ten year old boy can defeat you by just using your tail. But women won’t live without long hair. And I never understand this.

So I said, “If you will not cut your hair, I will grow mine.” But we cannot accept this duality – men will have short ones and women will have long ones. I said, “I will grow mine, let’s see.” But here again biology is defeating me, my hair don’t grow half as long as yours. I never get a haircut, but the hair only come to my shoulders. Your hair, go right down to your butt. As if biology itself is conspiring to keep the women chained.

What is this thing with make-up? What is this? What do you mean by make-up? Spirituality is all about giving up things that are made-up. And you are always making up. Only the false is made up. And what not, silicone implants, false bras, false eye brows, what else is there. The thing that removes the wrinkles, Botox

The entire time is being spent in this non-sense. I don’t know the details, but there is so much, you can read all that, on the menus of the salon. This treatment, that treatment and God knows how expensive they are. From where all that money is coming? Mostly from the men. And if it is not coming from the men, it is your own hard-earned money, then it is even worst. Tell this to the women in the beauty parlour, and they will pull your little hair out.

The body, the nest, be very cautious about that.

Men too have to be cautious about this, but women have to be supremely cautious.


Watch Full Discourse: How to bring about a Total Women’s revolution? || Acharya Prashant (2018)

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Coming to Advait Camp is like giving wings to your relationship!

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Sonali Bhattacharya, in morning prayer at 24th Advait Learning Camp

(Sonali sobs as she speaks about her relationship with her brother) Me and my brother never remained connected with each other. We could never form that bond that siblings cherish. And when he came in here, to the 24th Advait Learning camp, I hugged him; and that was the first time that I hugged him in my entire life. This is just not so normal in between us. It isn’t that I didn’t want to hug him before or there were no opportunities to hug, there were a bundle of them, but the hug never happened.

Yesterday, Sampada Ji (one of the fellow camp participants) asked me that why it took you 25 years to hug him, to come close to him?

And I had no answer.

I am hoping that after going back from here we may remain close to each other.

I love him (her tears do not stop); we both do (sobs in pain). But we are unable to express and share it.

It might appear that we are really close to each other; taking care of small-small things like food, health, we keep on asking to each other about these. But, there is a long gap in between us. I have felt that.

I try a lot to remove this gap but (she softly slaps her brother on his cheeks, gesturing love for him) he never expresses his love, never gives a response.

But I know that it’s just the 3rd day and the camp has started to reduce this gap; I could hug him yesterday. It’s like coming here is giving wings to your relationships. I have felt that.

Thank you, Acharya Ji. (smiles in tears)

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Sonali Bhattacharya with her brother Joydeeep Bhattacharya at 24th Advait Learning Camp, Mukteshwar

Editor’s Note: Sonali expressed her love for her brother in one of the reflection sessions at 24th Advait Learning Camp, Mukteshwar. 

It is no coincidence that she got close to her brother in just two days of the camp. Advait Learning Camps have always helped in seeing how one relates with the world and hence have better relationships.

It got reflected in her life.

Entries are open for 25th Advait Learning Camp, to be held in Mukteshwar.

Apply at: requests@prashantadvait.com

Apply now! Limited seats!

Give wings to your relationship and fly with your loved ones!

Love, Compromise, Magic, God….

Speaker: Fear, what about fear?

Listener 1:  What is fearlessness?

Speaker: No fear, simple, light, straight forward; no thought that something can go wrong.

Listener 2: It is something like karma (action)?

Speaker: Like?

Listener 2: Karma (action).

Speaker: Obviously. If you toss a ball, it will come down – cause and effect. In the world of material, there is always cause and effect, that is the law of karma (action). It is nothing but the law of material. If you throw something, it will move forward. Every cause will have an effect, that is the law of karma (action), but that law does not apply to conscious beings. Read more

What is Religion?

Speaker: So, this morning we are here, trying to look at what is Religion. It would be easy to go into this deeply researched and heavily documented topic as just another objective topic, but I wonder, whether we ask ourselves some very subjective, very personal, very intimate questions. I wonder, whether we ask ourselves, “Why we wake up every morning?” I wonder, whether we have really asked ourselves, “What brings us, here, to this hall, at this hour?” I wonder, whether we ask ourselves, “What our eyes are looking for, all the time?” Very few of us would have asked themselves – “Why they feel thirsty all the time. And why there is a need to eat? And why does one feel like living on? And why do successes never feel complete?” Read more

You are wonderful, beautiful, awesome, simply as you are

Speaker: Virah wo aag hai jise parmaatma swayam fuunkta hai. Parmaatmaa ke liye hai, aur use phuunkta bhee wahi hai. (Longing is the fire which is stoked by God Himeslf. It is for God, and is stoked by God.) Read more

Do not let the world occupy your mind

Question: Sir, how can we control the internalization of thoughts which we get from society and other people?

Speaker: When you get them, are they external? Or are they already internalized?

Listener: Most of them are external only.

Speaker: A thing is external or internal depending on whether it is external to you or internal to you, right? Do you have thoughts floating about in the thin air? Or is the thought already in the mind? When you say, there is a thought, where is the thought?

Listener: In the mind.

Speaker: So, has it not already been internalized? The moment somebody is able to provoke you into thinking, he has already taken a slice of you. He has already occupied a part of you. Your well-wishers will not provoke you into thinking. They will bring you to peace. So, if you are thinking hard, and thinking hard is confusion and disturbance and frustration; if you are thinking hard and you come across a well-wisher, his presence will be able to calm you down. Your thoughts will subside. Read more

How to keep others happy?

Speaker:  HIDP is telling us that our first and primary responsibility is towards ourselves. Then what about parents, friends and the society?

Listener: Not the society.

Speaker: Just the parents.

Listener: Parents and our teachers.

Speaker: All of that is society. Even parents are society. Anybody apart from you is?

Listeners (in unison): Society.

Speaker: So there are just two, the individual and the society. You are there and everybody apart from you is society.

So what to do with them? What about them? If my primary responsibility is towards myself, then what do I do with them. I can probably see where your question is coming from. She is saying, “I want to keep my parents happy” Read more

If a leader needs followers, he will never let them be free

Question: Sir, you have said that a real leader does not need followers. I want to understand this.

Speaker: To understand this statement, you will have to go into the word need.

What is a need? When does one need something outside of himself?

Followers are people, other people.

When does one need other people? What is a need?

A need is a feeling of incompletion. A need therefore is a dependency. A need therefore is a sense of being weak, of being inadequate, of being not total without something else or somebody else. And hence, to have a need of another person or another thing is a kind of an inferiority complex. If you are with this, till this point; what follows will be readily clear to you. Do you understand need? Read more

The falseness of the so called ‘Power of Now’

Question: Sir, people these days emphasis on the idea of the ‘Power of now’. But you say that the present is different from the now. Please elaborate.

Speaker: This whole talk about the power of now is a great sham. It is deep materialism disguised as spirituality. The present is not the now. The now is a point in the stream of time. The now is that which is preceded and followed by the past and the future. The present is that in which the past, the now and the future, simultaneously co-exist. The now is a point in the stream; the present is the vast infinite land, in which that stream is flowing.

Read more

When there is innocence in the Heart only then there is intelligence in the mind

Question: Sir, can there be a ‘conscious innocence’?

Speaker: No, but there can be ‘innocent consciousness’. In the same way as there can be no ‘worldly God’, but there can be a ‘Godly world.

Innocence is your center. Innocence is far above consciousness. In fact, innocence means a point that is not stained by consciousness. With innocence in your heart, you can be conscious in the mind and it will be an ‘innocent consciousness’. With God in your heart, you can have the world in your mind and it will be a ‘Godly world’. But if you try the opposite then you are inviting hell. If you make God a thing of the mind then, not only have you lost touch with God but even this mind, that dares to contain God, becomes a petty mind and suffers.

Read more

Free from lovers, You become free to love

“I am your lover, come to my side, I will open the gate to your love.”

~ Rumi

Gate

Speaker: So yesterday night we were talking about the beginning of love. How does love begin? Who is this ‘I’? Who is this lover? What is Rumi saying?

“I am your lover, come to my side, I will open the gate to your love.”

Love is your very being. The moment, the day, the place, the point you come into being, love too comes into being. You cannot be without loving. It’s just that you do not know your lover. You do not know for whom your heart beats. You know somebody calls. Read more

The difference between Love and attraction

(To receive regular updates on WhatsApp regarding wisdom articles by Acharya Ji and to get an opportunity to connect to him directly, click here)

Listener: What is an attraction?

Acharya Prashant: At least this much should be very clear. We see instances of attraction, every moment, all the time around us. There is the game of attraction going on. So somebody bangs the door, and your mind gets attracted towards that. It is as if the banging of the door and the movement of the mind towards the door are one and the same thing. If one happens the other has to happen, they are inseparable. This is the attraction.

If you put some iron pieces near a magnet, the iron pieces will move towards the magnet. This is the attraction. If two reacting chemicals are brought together, there is a reaction and the subsequent release of energy and everything else and that is the attraction. So attraction is obvious, it is happening all the time around us.

It is just a mechanical movement. The iron does not know why it is getting attracted to the magnet. The magnet does not know why it is attracting the iron piece. And yet attraction is happening. It is a dead thing. Sodium does not know why its atom wants to react with water. And water does not know why a particular configuration of the atom must be reacted to. Yet there is a reaction. This is the attraction.

You take two metals let’s say, iron and nickel; and keep them in close contact for long periods of time. And after that, you cannot separate them. Diffusion of molecules of one metal will happen to the other and some kind of a bond will get established between the metals.

If some of you drive an old bike or old car, you will know that old nuts and bolt cannot be opened. They have to be cut, the nut fuses with the bolt. The nut fuses with the bolt. So, close together and close together for a long period of time, space and time; that is the attraction.

Space and time are attraction.

Space and time are also this world. What is this world? This world is all this that appears all spread around, so space. And this world is the past and future, so time.

Attraction and the world are inseparable.

Attraction is the fundamental quality of this world.

And remember this world by itself has no life, it is a mechanical system. An apple gets attracted towards the earth; the earth gets attracted towards the apple, fundamental quality. And where there is an attraction, there is repulsion as well. So attraction and repulsion, that is what this universe is all about, and this universe is time and space. We just said that in closeness there is an attraction. If you keep iron and magnet very far away from each other, attraction will become almost zero.

You very well know even the gravitational pull is inversely proportional to the square of the separation distance between the two interacting objects. So you increase the distance and the pull will become almost zero. You require time and you require closeness in space. So, if you are with a person for a long period of time, you will get attached.

Attachment is the fruit of attraction in time. Attraction happens right now and when attraction continues in time then what you get is the attachment. Attraction is a dead thing and attachment is an equally dead thing.

So iron and magnet, they will attract each other and if they stay in touch for a long period of time, they will also get attached. And that is the fact of our relationships. There is an attraction and after that there is an attachment. And sometimes we give the name Love to either of these. But this universe only knows attraction and attachment, it knows no Love.

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Love is a totally different quality; Love is understanding. And Love does not relate to being attracted. To get attracted you require the mind to be dull, to be stupid. Only a stupid mind gets attracted and attached, an unhealthy mind, a diseased mind. A mind that feels incomplete and so it wants to go and cling to something and somebody, and feel complete. You very well know why chemicals react. One chemical has some shortage of electron so it wants the other atom to provide those electrons. Right? Either by transfer or by sharing. So attraction happens when there is a feeling of incompleteness. And whenever you feel incomplete, that is dis-ease, you are uncomfortable, restless.

Love, on the other hand, is the quality of a healthy mind that feels complete in itself. Because it feels complete in itself, because it is a healthy mind; all its relationships are also healthy. A healthy relationship is also called a loving relationship, it is so simple.

Love has no excitement or titillation about it. It is a simple being in health.

When you relate to other, not because of greed or fear, it is Love. But unfortunately if we look at our relationships, there is greed, fear and expectation always, always present. And where there is greed, fear, expectation, insecurity – there can be no Love. There would be jealousy and possessiveness and there could be discord and strife, but no Love. So there is nothing sensational about Love, it is so simple.

The relationships of a healthy mind are loving relationships.

When you do not relate to the other in order to get something from him, it is Love. Where you are feeling so full in yourself, that you feel no violence towards the world, it is Love. Love is not about creating boundaries, my family, my people, my love, my house.

Love is like the sun, full in itself; so its brightness falls on everybody, its warmth is available to all.

Wherever it goes, it brings light.

That is Love.

But love, in spite of being such a simple thing cannot really be an object of discussion. Because love comes from a healthy mind; and health simply means freedom from disease.

We do not need to work towards health; we only need freedom from the disease.

As long as the mind is diseased, it will be experiencing attraction and attachment. Attractions and attachments are the symptoms of an unhealthy and sick mind.

They arise from conditioning. They arise from the latent tendencies of the mind, vritti (Sanskrit word for mental tendencies).

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So these must be the object of consideration:

Why is the mind unhealthy? Can I look at it?

Can I understand how deeply conditioned I am? Can I catch my ways?

Can I observe my daily life and look at the play of conditioning, attraction, attachment?

If you can do that, then just that realisation gives me freedom from disease. Freedom from disease is health. And the relationships of a healthy mind are loving relationships, simple.

So when you talk of Love, kindly do not get excited, there is nothing exciting about Love, just as there is nothing exciting about pure water. But pure water is life, life giving. There is a lot that is exciting about fizzy drinks, about liquor. But about water, there is nothing exciting; it is simple, pure, and transparent. Love is like pure water, it is not sensational, it is not sentimental, it is not titillating. Love is the quality of a healthy mind, a mind that is not afraid and a mind that is not carrying the burden of the past or expectations. That is love.

Never think that a man who is carrying ideologies, a man who is ambitious, a man who belongs to a particular line of thought, can ever be capable of Love. He will carry his sense of violence, into everything that he does.

The man, who is dull and bored and careless and violent in the office, cannot be a loving father or a loving husband. After all, it is the same mind; he will carry the same mind into the house as well. A healthy mind will be healthy in all walks of life, throughout the day. A lady, who does not care for small kids in the slum opposite her house, cannot be a loving mother. It is impossible. How is it possible to love your kids, when you only have the indifference for the other kids, who are shivering in the cold? A man, who kill animals, cannot have a love for anybody. After all, it is the same mind. When you do not have sensitivity and you can use the knife on one being, then how will your mind suddenly become sensitive towards rest of the world? It is the same mind.

I know that as young people, love is a very hot topic for you all. But kindly do not think that you can ever know Love, without cleaning up your mind.

Love is possible only to a very clean and very pure mind.

Others will know attraction and attachment but they will never know Love. And that is their punishment.

The punishment of remaining conditioned is that you will never know Love.

You will live sixty years or hundred years, without even knowing a moment of Love. You can name other things as Love; you can fool yourself by saying that, “I have a very loving family”. But the fact will be that there will be no Love.

So forget Love, look at the purity of mind. That is what you can do.



~ Excerpts from a ‘Shabd-Yoga’ session. Edited for clarity.

Watch the session: Acharya Prashant: The difference between Love and attraction

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How do I get rid of my bad habits?

Question: I want to get rid of my bad habits. I have tried all the things to get rid of them, but I am still unable to do that. What is the reason?

Speaker: How do you know whether a particular habit is good or bad? How do you decide?

Listener 1: It has been told to us earlier, that what is good and what is bad.

Speaker: You have been told earlier that what is good and what is bad. That is the way we go about deciding everything – what is right, what is wrong, what is fair, what is unfair – on the basis of criteria that has been given to us in advance. That this is good, this is bad.
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Happiness cannot be the purpose of life

Question: Sir, what is the purpose of life?  Is it earning money, or happiness?

Speaker: The lady is asking, ‘What is the ultimate purpose of life?’ She has already presented us two options:

  1. Earning money or,
  1. Happiness.

But you already know. You have already discounted everything else and zeroed in on to two options. What are they? That the purpose could be either to earn money, or to be happy.

Alright. So let’s first look at these two. What does one earn money for?

Listener 1: For livelihood.

Speaker: And, why does one want a livelihood?

Listener 2: For comfort.

Speaker: What does comfort give you?

Listener 3: Satisfaction and happiness. Read more

How can I get my ex-girlfriend back? || Acharya Prashant (2013)

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Speaker: ‘How can I get my ex-girlfriend back?’ The question comes from Shubham. Shubham you will have to die (audience bursts into laughter). There is no other way, you will have to die.

You know, it was Kabir who said:

ये तो घर है प्रेम का, खाला का घर नाहिं ।
सीस उतारे भुँई धरे, तब बैठें घर माहिं ॥

You will have to die. And obviously it is not death of the physical kind. When Kabir says, ‘Cut your head before you can enter the house of love’, what does he mean? What does this denote? Kabir says, ‘Cut your head down’. What does this denote?

Listener 1: Ego.

Speaker: Yes, wonderful. This denotes the sum total of your past. This denotes the absolute sum total of your past, your attitude, your conditioning that you carry forward. You cannot get your ex-girlfriend back if you continue to be the same person who broke up. Are you getting it?

After all there was a context to the breakup. Am I right? If you are the same person who broke up, how will you engage with her again? To engage with her again you will have to be an absolutely new, fresh person, that old fellow must die. Unless the old ‘Shubham’ dies there is no possibility of a new relationship. Is this becoming clear?
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Friends, jobs and the need for entertainment

Questioner: Sir, everyone is expecting something. Parents are expecting something, friends also expect something but sometimes I prefer to be alone. What to do in that situation?

Acharya Prashant: Do you really have a friend? What kind of friend is this who does not like you to do what really gives you joy?  If I am your friend and you want to be alone, what am I to do? Chase you? Get stuck to you? Or allow you to be alone? Do we really have friends? What kind of friends are these?

Somebody has said that a person is worth being with if you feel alone in his company. Only that person is worth being with. That’s the test. Read more

How to make career choices?

Question: Sir, after completing B.Tech, should I go for higher studies or a high paying job? How can I decide that?

Speaker: What’s your name?

Listener 1: Sonu Singh, 3rd year B.Tech.

Speaker: After completing B.Tech I do not know that I should go for the job, or for higher studies, or something else. Sonu, usually in life when you are stuck between two or three choices, you will find most of the times that none of the choices are really good for you. So, my question will be that why I am unable to choose between A, B and C. Life says that whenever you are unable to choose between A, B and C; had any of these three been really what your life is looking for, then you would not have been confused. Confusion itself is an indication that these, all three, all five, all eight, are sub-optimal choices.
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Youth and Creativity-4 || Acharya Prashant (2013)

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Listener 1: One morning I woke up and I had a creative thing that I saw in the night. Secondly, whatsoever somebody is saying is coming from past maybe from unconscious. For each of your sentences I had so many flashes from the past. Actually I’m not ignoring knowing, it actually helped in knowing.

Speaker: Alright, let’s look at the validity of this. You said that next morning I woke up and I had a creative thing that I saw in the night. Can you dream of something of that you had no experience in the past, what you have not experienced, can it be present in your dreams?

Listener 1: Sir, actually I feel yes.
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Youth and Creativity-3 || Acharya Prashant (2013)

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Speaker: Both are extremely dependent beings, the child has no freedom and the old man has no freedom, then, who is a young man?

Listener 1: Sir, there is a saying that ”Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift, that’s why it’s called the Present”.

Speaker: Yes, that brings us to the young man. The child says I cannot know, the old man says that I already know. What does the young man says?

Listeners: I want to know
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Youth and Creativity-2 || Acharya Prashant (2013)

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Speaker: What is it that makes old age unattractive? Why is it that we are not talking of old men in architecture? What is it that we don’t like in old age? Yes, they do have experiences, an old person’s mind is full of experiences.

Listener 1: The problem with him is that he is pre-occupied with the old and does not allow the person to do something new.

Speaker: So, now we are coming down to something very, very important. The experience itself is curse of the old man, he does exactly as you said he does. He thinks he has learned from his experiences, the old man thinks he has learned from his experiences and hence he is quite equipped to face life from his experience. I already know. Because I have experienced it and just as you said that situations in life are similar so my past experience will help me face life in present, the old man thinks exactly the same way as you are thinking right now. I have had experience and life is repetitive, so that past experience will be useful in the present. And that is why you don’t like old men because they are mistaken, they are making a fundamental mistake thinking that experience is learning. They are thinking that what you have gone through at one point in time is re-producible in other point of time and that is why you would never want to claim that I’m quiet old now, because when you are old, you are actually confining yourself to your experience.
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