Expectations in relationships after marriage || Acharya Prashant (2019)

Question: Acharya Ji, before marriage, very relationship that I had, has been very natural. I never did anything to be good with them. But once I got married, it is not coming that natural.

Please guide.

Acharya Prashant Ji:

Where there is desire, there is conflict.

Even the relationship with the family members before marriage is not really natural. It is just that, you know that there is not much to be desired there. If you have desires even with your parents, then there would be conflicts even with the parents.

It is not about marriage, it is about desire.

Especially in India, girls know that do not have very high stakes in the parents’ house. Soon they would be out of the ancestral place. So, they anyway do not raise there desires very high, with respect to parents, and the parental place. They know that they are anyway going to go away. So, the expectations are not very high. And because the expectations are not very high, so the relationship remains smooth.

Parents keep saying, “Girls are better than boys, you know.” And girls keep remembering parents’ place was much better than the in-laws’ place. A lot of that was much because, both the parents and the daughter know that the relationship is short-lived. Soon she would be away. If the girl were to stay with the parents the entire life, then there would be conflict with the parents.

It is not about a time-period pre-marriage, and post-marriage.

It is about the human mind.

And it is about the basic principle that – expectations lead to disharmony and clashes.

Once you are with the husband, you want the sky. You never tell your brother, to fetch the moon for you. Do you? But on the first night of your marriage, you ask your hubby, “Where is the moon?” And the little fellow…..He promises the moon. He is not honest enough to admit.

If you want the moon from your father, you would find quarrels. It’s just that the society, and the movies, and biology, have conditioned you to demand the moon only from your conjugal partner.

Try this. Start having expectations, from any of your near friends, and see how quickly the relationship nosedives. And, when it comes to your Mr. Perfect, you are supposed to have expectations. So, you are supposed to break your head, against his. 

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Gatay, Gatay, Paragatay…

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Gatay, Gatay, Paragatay….

I will miss you so much,
Pardon me, I will have to die.
We played together for long,
Now I’m going home to the Sky.

I will miss you so much,
I’m going to where I belong.
It breaks my heart to leave you,
I tried hard to bring you along.

I will miss you so much,
My time has finally come.
As a friend I could not help you,
So a stranger I must become.

I will miss you so much,
But now the Sky is pulling me.
All the glorious stars are here,
I’ll miss my silly games with thee.

I will miss you so much,
Body is cold, faint is breath.
The mission I failed in my life,
Maybe will succeed in my death.

I will miss you so much,
My pain will make the stars cry.
I’ll come down in some other form
To bring you one day to the Sky.

I will miss you so much,
I am departing to settle my due.
When in doubt, you must remember,
I had to die because I love you.

~ 31st May’19


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What is disappearance of the self? || Acharya Prashant (2019)

What is disappearance of the self

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Question: Acharya ji, what is the meaning of disappearance of the self?

Acharya Prashant Ji: Your interest in your interests has to disappear. Your interests can remain. Can this brain survive without interests? Your lungs are greatly interested on Oxygen, and they reject Nitrogen. Can lungs survive without interests?

Let the interested one, remain interested.

‘You’ have no business to be interested.

The intellect is curious by design. The intellect will remain interested. Have you not seen kids, three years olds, asking questions that grown-ups cannot answer. They will remain interested. Let the intellect, the design of the brain, remain interested. ‘You’ need not remain interested.

Let this physical system, including the brain apparatus, remain curious, interested, inquisitive, whatever. Even attached. ‘You’ stay wherever you must.

Spirituality does not entail that the lungs must give up oxygen. Renunciation is not for the lungs, Sir. Do not stretch it to absurd limits. That will give you another excuse to stay away from spirituality.

You will say, “Baba was asking me to renounce oxygen. If I have to have no relation with the world, why must I even breathe?” Because breathing is the continuous relationship with the world. And seeing is the continuous relationship with the world. So if spirituality means renunciation, even at the physical level, or at the psychological level, then you have to cease existing as an embodied entity.

Spirituality is not committing suicide, or is it? Then we do not need satsang, we need mass suicide halls. Over! It has happened, you know. There have been cults in Japan and other places, where incidents of mass suicides have been reported. They thought, that is ‘liberation’. So, 300-400 hundred people would get together, and would just breathe in some nice gas. And all are liberated. That is not spirituality, obviously!

Do not deprive the stomach of food. And do not deprive the mind of thoughts and feelings. Just as it is stupid to deprive body of food, it is equally stupid to deprive the mind of thoughts and feelings. Thought is not the enemy. Feelings are not the culprit. Your misplaced presence is the culprit. The needless presence of ‘I’ in the thoughts, is the culprit.

Be fully secure about the ‘I’, and then think as much as you want to. Feel, in whichever dimension you want to. You can laugh, you can sing, you can cry. You can even hate, or fall in love. All that is okay. All that is part of the rainbow.

Spirituality is not about banishing certain things, from your life.

Spirituality is just about seeing, that life is beautiful, and does not get any better, with the intervention of the little self, the ‘I’.

It is one thing to think, it is a totally another thing, to think with the objective of self-preservation. Can you see the difference these two thoughts? There is just thought, as is needed to solve a mathematical problem. And then there is the thought, that feeds on fear. Are these two the same?

Thought is not the problem.

Your insecurities about yourself, your utter loneliness –  that is the problem.

And that is an assumed, imagined problem.

A problem that does not exist, but is taking to be.

Now how smart is that – to be fretting over an imagined problem?

Excerpts from a ‘Shabd-Yoga’ session. Edited for clarity.

Watch the session:  What is disappearance of the self? || Acharya Prashant (2019)


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How To Bring About A Total Women’s Revolution?

Women revolution-2

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Woman, get out of the nest, hit the road!

Important takeaways:

  1. The woman is the more oppressed of the two genders and therefore, the revolution must arise from the woman.
  2. As long as the woman keeps thinking that her body is an asset, there is no freedom for her. As long as the woman keeps thinking that the freedom is about flaunting her body, there is no freedom for her.  
  3. If the woman can be saved, it is only through true spirituality because spirituality alone can take you out of your body identification.
  4. The man should not be at the center of women’s world.
  5. We need girls’ gangs. We need girls’ communes.
  6. Mark the nest, that’s your enemy.
  7. Get out of the nest, hit the road.
  8. Be the user of the car, not the doll in the car.
  9. Knowledge must be your asset, strength must be your asset, exposure must be your asset, money must be your asset and overall, truth must be your asset. Not your breasts and hips.

 

What does it mean to be a woman? A lot that is hurtful. Why must one keep bearing the hurt? One bears the hurt because one is drawing certain comforts. The hurt is deep and lasting, the comforts are cheap. The comforts, like the hurts, are both – physical and psychological. There has to be a total revolution in the way, the woman looks at herself. She cannot be a creature of the nest. As long as the nest exists, the woman would be exploited. With females in the animal kingdom, the nest is possible. The nest works because animals are just biological or at least mostly biological. They are not governed predominantly by social forces. Prakrati governs them. And so, if Prakrati dictates the female animal to have a nest, it works. Animal female is an animal, born an animal, dies an animal, is not ambitious, lives just fulfilling her Prakratik roles. The animal male is too just an animal, is born an animal, dies an animal and has no ambition beyond his Prakratik mandate to conquer or exploit.   

But man is not merely biological, man is social as well. And man has a social mandate to conquer, exploit. He exploits everything, he exploits Prakrati, and that’s what you call development. Don’t you? He exploits his intellect, and that you call as knowledge. Don’t you? And this man will exploit everything. And you feel greatly happy, when man exploits everything. Why will the man not exploit the woman? No animal is supposed to exploit but man is supposed to exploit. Is he not? Man exploits the earth to get minerals, man exploits the earth to get crops.  Man exploits everything that he can. And that is not considered really immoral. In fact we reward those who are the most clever exploiters. If you can exploit the atom to get energy, you feel so happy. Don’t you? The atom, in its own Prakratik way was not eager to supply you energy. But you took the atom and said – I am in need of energy because I am ambitious, because I want more comfort. So, I will exploit this atom and get energy. And if you can break open the atom and get energy, you feel happy and you respect and reward those, who do all these things.

So, if man gets recognition, respect and reward for exploiting, why would the men spare the women, or even the women spare the men? But the woman, the human female is biologically conditioned to have a nest, just as the animal female is. But for the animal female, the nest is the end of the story. Nothing happens beyond that. The nest is made, the young ones are there, and then the rest of the Prakratik story unfolds, and that’s it. In humans, there is society beyond biology. So, if the woman is in the nest, that gives an opportunity to the man to exploit her even more.

The male bird will not exploit the female bird, when she cannot fly, because she is taking care of the eggs or the young ones. The male bird would not exploit her then. But in humans, the male is likely to exploit the female, when she is sitting in the nest to take care of the little baby. The woman will have to go beyond her biological self. The nest is the expression of the woman’s biological self. As long as there is the nest, the woman would keep getting exploited. Unfortunately, the woman is still thinking that the nest is her asset, that the nest is her protective cocoon.

The nest is not your friend; the nest is not your fortress. The nest is your cage. The man is just indifferent to the nest. The woman should be repugnant to the nest. Instead, the woman is the one, who seeks the nest. And when a human female is seeking a nest, she is only seeking a prison. Man does not rebel against the nest, man is just indifferent. Right? If there is nest, man says OK, I will come. If there is no nest, man is OK with the hotel room. Man is OK with even the hostel, man is prepared sometimes to sleep under the sky, beneath a tree.

It is the woman, who demands the nest. The woman would have to actively rebel against the nest. As long as there is the nest, the woman will remain chained. Ironically, the woman is the one, who clamours for the nest. If there is a relationship, it would be the woman, who would keep asking actively  – darling, when are we getting married? And after the marriage, she will be the one who will keep pestering, when will we have a house of our own. The woman is her own worst enemy because she is very, very biology driven. Man too is biology driven but he abides by his intellect too. He abides by his intellect much more than the woman does. The woman is extremely biological.

And that is beautiful in some sense because if you are not biological then you are probably intellectual and the intellect is a bigger curse than it is a boone. The woman is simpler, more innocent. I would dare to say, the woman is simple and innocent, just as animals are because woman, just as animals, is biology driven. She is emotional and her emotions do not really arise from understanding, not even from intellect. Her emotions arise from her body, from her biological conditioning, from her hormones.  Look at the way she is attached to the baby. That does not involve any understanding. All that is pure biology, hormones. Man has no such chains. Man has no such compulsions. It is biology that confines and chains and imprisons the women. As long as the woman keeps herself identified, with her body, the nest and biology, there is no freedom for her.

As long as the woman keeps thinking that her body is an asset, there is no freedom for her.

As long as the woman keeps thinking that the freedom is about flaunting her body, there is no freedom for her.  

The woman is the more oppressed of the two genders and therefore, the revolution must arise from the woman.

Woman by rebelling against the body, will be the harbinger of the revolution that will liberate the entire mankind, women and men, both included. But if you will ask me between these two genders, which one is likely or which one rather must initiate the revolution, I would say, the woman. Because, the woman is more oppressed of the two. Once the revolution begins, obviously the man too will be liberated.

But just as a woman gives birth to a man, woman will also need to give birth to the freedom of man. Man will not be able to give birth to his own freedom. Freedom too will be born out of the woman. That does not seem to be happening. Woman remains terribly body identified. And that which you call as modernity or liberation, or even feminism, is unfortunately even more body centric. It’s just that now the body centricity is a little hidden. There is only one way to go beyond the body and that is the way of truth, the way of spirituality. All other ways go from the body to the body. So, you can go from veiling to revealing. But you are just going from the body to the body. What were you veiling? The body. And now what are you revealing? The body. All these great liberation movements have taken you from the body to the body. So, there is no liberation at all, you are just being cheated and fooled. The only way, the women can be liberated, is the spiritual way, the spiritual route. Ahhh! Now that sounds so old fashioned. Doesn’t it? In fact, you would love to say that religion is the curse of woman; that using religion, the woman has been confined and oppressed and what not. But all that was false religion. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.

If the woman can be saved, it is only through true spirituality because spirituality alone can take you out of your body identification. The body, the hormones, the maternity, the nest, as long as these remain important to the women, no liberation, no liberation at all. And when her body will cease to be important for her, the man too will cease to be important for her. Man rides upon woman, enslaves woman because the man is very important for the woman. Woman may not be the center of the man’s world, but go to most women and you will find that man is the center of woman’s world. It is quite strange.

If you want to test this, go and conduct an experiment. Test it. What is the women thinking of? Her thoughts are much more biologically driven. What is she thinking of? Once she has become the mother, she is thinking of the kids.  The wife thinks more of husband’s welfare than the husband thinks of wife’s welfare. Isn’t that a general rule? The wife is ready with the dinner and the husband often does not return in time. Now, who has been thinking more about the other? The wife. And all this has been taken as her humanity, her kindness. She has been called as motherly and nurturing and she has been venerated, deity-fied, praised.

Don’t take that respect, that veneration, by being turned into a deity. You are being confined within four walls of the temple. Don’t accept that.

The man should not be at the center of women’s world.

By the way, if the men want to rule over the women, let them rule. Let the men keep thinking of the women, the women must be independent of the men. I know, that is not easy. I know, I am asking something close to impossible, but that is the only way out. Women will have to stop giving men so much importance. The importance that a woman gives to her body, her biology, her nest and man, are all one. Is there a nest without a man? The woman does not build the nest for herself. She builds it for herself and her man. If you will go and figure out the fact of loneliness, it is the woman who is more susceptible to loneliness. Men make merry even in the company of men. You will find boys’ gang going all over, all around. A group of six boys having fun but rarely would you find a group of six girls having fun. They need men. Six girls are not happy together. Six boys on the contrary can be very happy together. The woman needs man and that’s what keeps her bonded.

We need girls’ gangs. We need girls’ communes.

We need women to be alright with themselves. We don’t want women to be emotionally dependent or biologically dependent on men. We don’t want woman to seek a man to complete her identity. We don’t want the woman to seek a man to complete her name. Are you getting this? If you say, you are a mother, what are you always looking for? Looking for a child. And when you are not a mother, you are a wanna-be mother. If you are a wanna-be mother, then you are always looking for the husband and his sexual power. And you are saying – I am dependent on you. My womb is empty and waiting. Come, fill it up. My nest is so lonely without you.

And a lot of that is done, just in the name of Mamta. The women is such a perpetual mother, she is a mother even to the husband. She begins as the girl friend and ends as the mother. Six months, she remains as girl friend, one year as a wife, rest of the life, she is a mother to everybody. And she finds great pride in declaring that. If she has a son and a daughter, she will say, I have three kids. And all three behave in the same way. They are dependent on me, they suck upon me. I prepare food for all. I wash everybody’s clothes; there is no difference between the kids and the husband. As long as you take your biological role seriously, you will remain in chains. And your biological role confines you to the nest. Mark the nest, that’s your enemy. That’s the enemy. But you take that as your security cordon. You say, within this, I am so safe. Within this, I don’t have to experience the dirt, and the harsh sun

Chill? No, get out of the nest, hit the road. The nest! Nothing else -the nest! I don’t know, Shilpi whether I have answered you, and Parmeshwari, you too. Getting it? Never get married into a home. Never get married into a family. Never become a queen of the bedroom or a kitchen, or the entire house. Just the nest or parts of the nest. And don’t be so identified with the damn eggs. All the time concerned with the eggs, the eggs, the eggs. Look at what the market says, when it talks of women. Are there books specific to the women? But look at the advertisements. What are they selling, when it comes to the women? Stuff related to the eggs and the body. Man might even be sold frequent flyer programmes because he travels a lot. But woman is always targeted to sell the lip gloss, the bra and egg paint. Why aren’t the airlines targeting you to sell their frequent flyer programmes, I ask you. Why don’t you fly away? Fly away from the nest, that’s your only chance.

Cars are being sold and the target customer is man, and the woman is being used to sex up the car. Very few car companies are targeting to sell cars to women. Such an insult it is. No car manufacturer thinks that an entire model can be brought out to serve the needs of the women. But the woman is always present in the car advertisement. And what is she doing there, displaying the curves. And the manufacturer is saying, my car is as curvy as this woman. All the men, come over. Be the user of the car, not the doll in the car.

Learn to be on the driver’s seat, not on the rear seat or the seat next to the driver. Learn to hold the steering, get out of your nest. And don’t be so damn particular about your sexuality and virginity and what else. All body stuff, my biggest asset is my eye brows, and lips and curves and virginity. Now what do you expect from the life? What else will you get, except bondages and imprisonment?

Knowledge must be your asset, strength must be your asset, exposure must be your asset, money must be your asset and overall, truth must be your asset. Not your breasts and hips. You spend so much of time pandering to the needs of the body.

Spend time enriching yourself, spend time gaining knowledge, spend time skilling yourself.

Why do we find so few women in science?

Out of the list of the 800-900 Noble laureates, why are there so few women?

Why are so few women in the science laboratories in the world?

Where are they in politics, in sports, at least in the developing countries?

Where are they in literature, in all ways of creativity?

I will tell you, where they are. They are in the nest. When man is busy creating a new machine, the woman is busy looking after her eggs. Now who will rule and who will be the slave, tell me. Tell me. And unfortunately, the woman is preparing herself just to receive the man. The woman is actually more self-less than the man. She is the finer product of evolution than men. So, the men will be busy enhancing his business or creating a new machine, and the women would be busy taking care of the house and cooking food for the man. Now man has done everything for his own personal development, he will be called as the ruler of the business empire. And what is the woman doing? Doing the man’s laundry and cooking his dinner.

And he returns more and more empowered everyday because 8-10 hours of the day, he is working in his self-interest. He is working to gain money, working to gain respect, power, strength. And what is the woman doing all this while, taking care of the eggs, doing the laundry, doing the meals. And then she expects that the man will be honest and kind enough to grant her an equal status. Why this exploitative man, as man is defined to be, why will this man grant her an equal status? Why? The man is the king and pardon me for being harsh, you are just his concubine.

You may call yourself as the queen but you are not. A harlot you are. The king can throw you away, whenever he pleases. Be less emotional, the emotion is the woman’s undoing. Don’t weep so frequently, mind those tears. You think, your tears are your strength? They are your biggest weakness. Curse yourself for weeping out. Stay strong. Don’t give in to the emotional traps.

The man says, darling why do you have to work. You stay at home, I will work. You take care of the bed, of the eggs, of the babies, and your mother-in-law. I will bring in the booty and obviously, you have equal rights over that. My money is your money. Never accept this temptation. His money is never your money. Never ever try to think that his money is your money. If you don’t earn anything, then you are a beggar and that’s all. Full stop. He might be earning millions but if you don’t earn anything of your own, you don’t earn anything, full stop. Emotions, tears, biology, nest – that’s the woman’s world. And she is so easy to fool. So easy to fool. The man has been forever fooling the woman and the woman still doesn’t want to wake-up.

One feels like worshipping the women for enduring so much. One feels like worshipping the women for being so willingly exploited. And one feels like slapping her hard in the face for being so stupid. Her own worst enemy, she is. Talk emotions to her and she will be pleased. Talk sense to her, and she will be offended. Truth is often rough and blunt and harsh. Tell the truth to her, and she feels he doesn’t love me. And offer her emotional sweeties, and you will be the best friend she ever had. I personally have so much trouble with women. So difficult to teach her. And if you somehow manage to teach them a little, they become emotional.

I know lot of what I have said, is a sweeping generalisation but still it is very pertinent and applicable. Don’t just dismiss what I am saying as stereotyping. I might be stereotyping, yet what I am saying is relevant for a great majority of men and women. What is this thing with long hair? Why must you keep long hair, I am asking you. So that men has ease in pulling your hair and controlling you by your hair. You are already physically weaker and then, you have long tail up here. Anybody can hold your tail and control you. Even a 10 year old boy can defeat you by just using your tail. But women won’t live without long hair. And I never understand this. So I said, if you will not cut your hair, I will grow mine. But we cannot accept this duality – men will have short ones and women will have long ones. I said, I will grow mine, let’s see. But here again biology is defeating me, my hair don’t grow half as long as yours. I never get a haircut but the hair only come to my shoulders. Your hair go right down to your butt. As if biology    itself is conspiring to keep the women chained.

What is this thing with make-up? What is this? What do you mean by make-up? Spirituality is all about giving up things that are made up. And you are always making up. Only the false is made up. And what not, silicone implants, false bras, false eye brows, what else is there, the thing that removes the wrinkles, Botox

The entire time is being spent in this non-sense. I don’t know the details but there is so much, you can read all that on the menus of the salon. This treatment, that treatment and God knows how expensive they are. From where all that money is coming, mostly from the men. And if it is not coming from the men, it is your own hard earned money, then it is even worst. Tell this to the women in the beauty parlour, and they will pull your little hair out. The body, the nest, be very cautious about that. Men too have to be cautious about this but women has to be supremely cautious.


~ Acharya Prashant Ji speaking on women’s revolution in one of the online course series in English.


Watch Full Discourse: How to bring about a Total Women’s revolution? || Acharya Prashant (2018)



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Answer to “Acharya Ji, I am afraid of you and don’t trust you.” || Acharya Prashant (2018)

answer

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Question: Acharya Ji, I am afraid of you. The reasons are:

First reason is that of authority.  

And second reason is I want something from you and there is no total trust in you.

And I am afraid of that being found out.

Is there more to it? Read more

Truth is dangerous || Acharya Prashant (2018)

Truth

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Questioner: Dear Acharya Ji,

As I went through your books and videos, I have come to a stage where I feel fear and tensions. But my mind comes to a still state and then, automatically I am able to come out of the fear and tensions. Is this normal?

Acharya Prashant: Arun, this is auspicious. But stay careful. Maya cannot be killed. She too is immortal. Peace requires constant protection. That which you get from God requires your total effort to be protected. It’s a contradiction, but you must understand.

You already get it from there and still you must be working hard to retain it.  You get it for free but you must pay a heavy price to keep it.

Do you understand this?

It’s like a product, where initial subscription is free but month after month, you have to pay heavy installments, and the installments are ego.

That’s what you have to continuously keep paying in order to just retain, what you got for free.

So, it’s auspicious, it’s wonderful, if you are abiding in peace.

But don’t neglect the EMIs!

Otherwise, the thing will be taken away. Keep paying the installments.

Read more

Teach this to today’s generation || Acharya Prashant (2018)

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Acharya Prashant: Rabbits are merely Prakriti, so they are conditioned to procreate.

If we want this generation to not to procreate what must be taught to them?

That you are not just Prakriti.

This is the education that you need to disseminate.

Rabbits will reproduce because they are just Prakriti and that’s what Prakriti wants, more copies of the rabbit’s DNA; because more copies mean more chances of survival, it is like taking backup of a hard-disk, if there are two copies then chances of survival are double, one copy might get lost, then the other copy survives, and that’s why the rabbits procreate so copiously, so frequently because they are small and defenseless. They know that a lot of the baby rabbits will die, so lot of them are born so that atleast a few will survive, thereby, the species continue to just exist, existence is all that the Prakriti wants.

Teach the kids, Parmeshwari, that they are not just Prakriti.

Read more

How to recover from a break-up? || Acharya Prashant (2017)

breakup

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Question: I am a person, who is very sensitive and emotional and that’s why I easily gets hurt. It’s been two months, since I have a break-up with a guy and I am just not able to move on. It’s affecting me a lot. I didn’t want this to happen even though, I never expected this from him. It has broken me completely from the inside.

I have lost myself, I have lost my mental peace and I feel so lonely and incomplete without him. And it is even more painful, when I see that guy look some other girl. I still want him in my life although, now I know that it is not possible because he has completely moved on. What should I now do, because it’s harming me and my career and my future?

Acharya Prashant: You are saying it has broken you completely from the inside.

No, you are lying.

Had you been completely broken from inside, then there would have been nobody left inside to experience the hurt.

What you call the inside, is just the ego inside. And the ego is the very magical thing. It becomes stronger, when gets hurt. It is not as if it loses its power, when it gets hurt.

The more you hurt it, the more strength it gathers. So, first of all, please understand that you have a lot inside. A lot that has become only more cemented, more solidify after this episode.  Had you been really empty from inside, who would have received the hurt. The arrow hits you, only when you block the arrow. Right?

Otherwise, it goes past you.

Read more

How to identify the right company for oneself? || Acharya Prashant (2013)

right company

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Question: How do we know, with whom to stay and whom not to stay?

Acharya Prashant: Whosoever makes you feel free, must be there in your life. Whosoever brings freedom, must surely be in your life and whosoever creates bondages upon you, bondages of any kind either implicit or explicit, must not be welcomed at all.

Even to see whether what you are doing is in awareness or lack of awareness, you require freedom. Bondage cannot be a route to freedom, and remember this cannot be said to an 8 year old. An 8 year old sometimes requires to be told, to be lead but none of you is 8 years old. At your age, bondages have no place in life, at your age, the biggest disservice that can be done to you is to impose a particular code upon you. The only way you can be helped today is by setting you free, and whosoever does not set you free is not your friend but your enemy.

That enemy might be a hidden enemy, it may contain a name of a beautiful relationship, it may even appear to be sacred but it is an enemy nevertheless. Remember, no body accepts the bondage if he/she knows that it is a bondage. Nobody would accept to be chained if he knows that these are chains.

Why do we accept to be chained?

It is because chains come in lovely names.

Can a person sitting far from you create chains? Only the person very close to you can be your enemy. The person who is far away from you cannot put you in bondage. If I tell you I am going to enslave you, you will resist and run away with all you power. But you will not resist if I say that I love you and I am coming to you for emotional and sentimental reasons. Then all of you would willingly become slave, and that is the most deceptive and dangerous slavery; because you are willingly accepting, the slave will not even know that I am a slave. He will not realize that he is a slave and continue with the bondage.

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Acharya Prashant: Real communication can happen only from the Heart

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Questioner: I want to increase my communication with my mom and dad or with my friends; because this is what which is trembling me: They want something from me, and they think I think only of myself, but I am not able to do either of them. What to do?

Acharya Prashant: When an insecure mind talks to another insecure mind, anyway there is no communication. There is only an apparent exchange of words.

Only the heart can talk, only the heart can listen, so conversations are either genuine or they are not. Fake communication is no communication. So, when you say that ‘I am afraid of consequences, how do I act because my parents might feel bad, how do I take them into the loop?’

Please understand, the situation is already very bad and whatever else happens will be better than this. The key to improvement is to realize that you are already at the rock bottom. Things cannot go any worse, we keep waiting for more damage, we say this much damage is acceptable.

You know, that is the nature of mind, everything in the mind is limited, so even your perception of the damage being done to you is limited. You can never know the full extent of your loss. In the domain of mind everything has boundary, so when it rises to figure out how much it is losing, even that has boundary, so it says I am not losing anything beyond that. No! You are losing a lot! And when you see that then these inhibitions and concerns become very petty then you say how can I stop because of these hindrances.

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Acharya Prashant: How to choose the right partner for marriage?

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Acharya Prashant: Companionship is wonderful. Be with one person, ten persons, anybody who helps your mind be centred. Being with such a person or a group of persons is wonderful. If marriage is another name for beautiful companionship, marriage is wonderful.

But, what matters is not the social institution of marriage, but the fact that you are with someone. And when you are with someone, the presence of that someone will necessarily have an effect upon you and vice-versa. You must know the effect that the other’s presence has upon you. If someone’s presence has a becalming effect on your mind, soothing effect on your mind, illuminating effect on your mind, liberating effect on your mind, go ahead. Boldly be with that person or persons as much as you want to.

But be with them only as long as their effect upon you is liberating. And be with them only as long as you do not become dependent on them, neither do they become dependent on you. It has to be a mutually healthy relationship. Not a relationship in which you enter because of sexuality or loneliness or social pressure.

You already have enough troubles, right?

You don’t want to invite another trouble into your house, into your bedroom, do you?

But yes, if someone can bring joy and truth to you, invite them right into your heart. And then marriage is inconsequential. With the right person, you marry, wonderful, you don’t marry, wonderful. And with the wrong person, you marry, bad luck, you don’t marry, bad luck.

What do you think?

Only married people have troubles?

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Acharya Prashant: How to really listen to the Guru?

Question: In one video, you said that to listen to Krishna, you need to be Arjuna. To Listen to Ashtavakra also you need to be Janak.

To listen to you, what should the person be?

Acharya Prashant: The person should not be insistent on being the ‘person.’ That begins with not seeing the speaker as a person and not imagining the listener to be the person. If here a person is speaking sitting on this chair, then surely there is another person sitting on another chair who is listening. Now, listening cannot really happen. Because persons cannot really relate to each other.

A person is a limitation.

Limitations can associate with each other. But limitations cannot relate to become limitless.

You take one limitation and you associate it with another one, you do not get limitlessness. What you get is another limitation.

One person listening to another person will not listen to the Truth. He will come to some opinion, some conclusion, something of the mind or attitude. But he won’t come upon Truth or silence.

To listen to me you need to forget all about yourselves. And you need to forget that what you are listening to is a person’s personal viewpoints.

If you will insist on saying that what is coming to you is somebody’s personal opinion, then no person ever has the obligation to be non-resistant to another person’s opinions. Opinions by definition are meant to be analyzed, judged, dissected, then partially accepted or rejected.

You will have to see that that which speaks from this chair is the same that listens from that chair, or listening simply doesn’t happen.

Till the time there is A speaking to B, listening cannot happen.

Only Truth listens to the Truth.

Only that within you can listen to me which speaks from within me. And they are one. Which means that there has to be a certain unity between the ‘listener’ and the ‘speaker.’ I said,

to listen to Krishna you need to be Arjuna. But it’s not really Arjuna who listens to Krishna. It’s Krishna within Arjuna that listens to Krishna. No Arjuna can ever know Krishna. Even to look at Krishna, Arjuna requires eyes that are bestowed upon him by Krishna.

You’ll have to give your listening a total chance, a total freedom. And that is a very impersonal freedom. You’ll have to simply drop giving importance to all that is personal about the speaker.

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Acharya Prashant on Upanishads: The limited, the limitless, and the dance

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Acharya Prashant: Hema, is saying, “Good, bad, evil, are all reflections of our inner-selves. How do we understand the limitless, with our limited mind?”

As long as you keep calling yourselves limited. You will continue to have a fascination towards comprehending the limitless.

You must ask, “Why does the infinite, the immense, appeal to you so much?” It appeals to you only because you have fundamentally defined yourself as limited.

What is bondage? Except the word ‘bondage’. The moment you say that there is a word called ‘bondage’, you have brought something fictitious to Life. The moment you call something as a bondage; you have called yourself a limited entity, vulnerable to bondage. Is the limitless susceptible to bondage? Just by talking of a few things, or even by seeking solutions to a few problems, you needlessly substantiate those things and problems.

You are saying, “How does one understand the limitless, with the limited mind?”

It’s exactly the other way round, Hema. You are asking, “How does one understand the limitless, with the limited mind?”

You know how it works?

You understand the limited because you are limitless.

Obviously the limited cannot comprehend the limitless.

But the limitations can be comprehended.

By whom?

By the limited one? Obviously not!

The limitations can be comprehended, because ‘you are unlimited’.

The unlimited one is not to be comprehended. The unlimited one is the one shining behind all comprehension!

How are you able ‘to know anything’? All things are limited. But if the knowing of the thing is also limited, would you ever ‘know’ really?

The ‘thing’ is limited. The ‘knowing’ of the thing, the ‘understanding’, is never limited.

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Acharya Prashant: Is plunging into sex a method to gain freedom from sex?

Question: Acharya Ji, you have said in a previous session while discussing the attraction towards sex, that one does not need to get entangled even to overcome or suppress. One rather needs to leave sex behind. One should seek that for which one is really eager. All the energy should go in that direction.

One is not rejecting sex, one is just prioritizing correctly. One is saying that the one that has a lower priority must wait because there is something immensely more important that is higher up the priority. That which is higher up the priority is so immense that it would never get completed, never get over. So the one who is waiting for his turn, the one who is lower down the order would just keep waiting.

He would not need to be killed, he would have just been permanently postponed. And she says that, in the same session, Acharya Ji has said “In the subconscious, there is a lot that terrifies you and you try to escape that fear by not trying to know more about it. When you first enter, you will find ‘that’ will scare you but if you stay with it courageously you will meet the one that delivers you from that fear.

If a person doesn’t meet ‘that’, which scares him and how you meet the one that liberates from the fear. Therefore, on your way meet all your imperfections and impurities and it is only after that you will meet the one that purifies, perfects and completes you.

So having quoted these two excerpts from a previous session, the question is, In the context of the pull of Maya and the worldly, here relating to the pull of the sexual energy, does one acknowledge it  and transcend it by focusing on the ‘Ananth’ or God ? or does one drop the defences against Maya, go through the worldly and only then arrive at the door of the Ananth.

Thank you.

Acharya Prashant: So, two excerpts have been quoted and apparently the two excerpts are in contradiction. The first one says that you do not need to get entangled, and the second one says that you need to meet all your fears, all your impurities, all your imperfections head-on.

So the questioner is a little confused and she is asking what to do? Does one seek to cleanse herself or does one need to plunge into her own conditioning? I will repeat the question for you. In the context of the pull of Maya and the worldly, here relating to the pull of the sexual energy, does one acknowledge it and transcend it by focusing on God ? or does one drop the defenses against Maya, go through the worldly and only then arrive at the door of the Ananth?

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Acharya Prashant on Veganism: Vedas and Milk

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Question: Acharya Ji, there are people who quote the Vedas and say “A Hindu is a good Hindu only if he drinks milk from the mother cow.” What is your take on that?

Acharya Prashant: See if you have named the Vedas, what is the central teaching of all the Vedic literature?

If you want to really know what the Vedic teaching is, you will have to go to the Upanishads. The Upanishads are called the “Vedanta”, which means the summit or the climax of Veda. And they go into the reality of man. What is the reality of man? The Upanishads are very forthright and unequivocal about it. They say, “Man is the Truth itself (Aham Brahmasmi).” Nothing else except the Truth. You are the ultimate finality. You are the total.

Now, if this is the position that the Vedic literature takes, then one cannot operate from a point of incompleteness, hollowness or desirousness. A lot of what we do, please see we do just in order to gain fulfillment. We say that the purpose of human Life is progress, don’t we? And we asses a human being according to how much he has been able to progress and contribute to progress.

And what is progress for us?
Knowing more; collecting more.

I’m not trying to unnecessarily be simplistic. Please go into it.

When you know more, when you collect more, is it something that happens only on the outside or does it also affects your self-worth? When you know more, your self-worth rises; when you collect more, again your self-worth rises. The Upanishads say, that your self-worth, that which you are, is any way infinite, you are anyway total. Now, go out and play. You are anyway perfect and complete. Now, do whatever you want to do. But do it from a point of perfection. Do it from a point of completion.

Do not do in order to gain something. Do not do in order to rise.

Act as if you are already there as if you are already complete.

That is what Vedas are all about.

Now, around this center, a lot has been said. Just a whole lot.

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Why does it appear that good people suffer and the evil keep enjoying?

Question: Acharya Ji, why do good people always suffer the most in their lives and evil people enjoy the most in their lives?

Acharya Prashant: What’s your name?

Questioner: Rachit

AP: Rachit is saying, “Why do good people suffer and why do bad people enjoy?”

Rachit, if you are suffering, that itself is proof enough that you are quite bad!

It has been clearly realised, that suffering is sin. The only sin is to suffer.

Let’s understand why:

What is it that gets hurt and suffers?

Listener: Mind

AP: What in the mind gets hurt and suffers?

You see, there is a beautiful Zen saying, it says, ‘You cannot drive a nail into empty space.’

To drive a nail, what do you need?

A wall.

When you drive a nail into the wall, the wall will get hurt. It is impossible to drive a nail into it, without hurting it. Similarly, if you are empty of conditioning, nobody can drive a nail into you. You get hurt, you suffer, because you have a rigid wall of beliefs. When those beliefs are shaken, then you suffer. That wall, is a wall of beliefs. That’s why, the really good man — because you talked in the language of good and bad, so I am borrowing it from you — never suffers. He does not have the capacity to suffer. He can have pain.

You know, once a man like that, met an accident; he was asked,

‘How are you?’

He said, ‘Wounded, but not hurt.Wounds are alright; situations can give me wounds but nothing can hurt me; because to be hurt, you require a particular wall, I don’t have that wall, so nothing can hurt me; I never suffer. Even in the deepest pain, I don’t suffer. I experience the pain, there is no doubt about it. If you cut my leg-off, then I will experience pain, but even that pain will not touch my innermost point, I will not suffer.’

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Life is not that tragic

The mind is like that. It has no independent existence of its own. It lives only in relation. Only in comparison. If it cannot relate something to the past it will not be able to make any sense of it.

It derives its very existence from a relationship with knowledge. The thing must already be there in the mind by way of knowledge for it to make any sense to you. So that’s all the mind can do.

Life is not that tragic. The new is there, every moment is new. We are leaving continuously in the new but the faculty that will know the new is not the conditioned.

The only way to come close to the happening is by way of direct approach. Comparison is indirect approach and you have the capability to approach rife directly.



Read the complete article: Acharya Prashant: Why does the mind compare everything with the past?

Acharya Prashant: Why does the mind compare everything with the past?

Listener: Why does my mind compare everything with the past?

Acharya Prashant: What else can it do? Do you want to think without having a benchmark? That’s impossible.

The mind is like a ‘businessman.’ It weighs everything. And have you seen weighing scale? It always has two parts that are weighed against each other. Have you ever seen a weighing scale that does not compare? That does not have a standard or a benchmark?

The mind is like that. It has no independent existence of its own. It lives only in relation. Only in comparison. If it cannot relate something to the past it will not be able to make any sense of it.

Assume I utter word right now that you cannot relate to your past, will your mind make any sense out of that word? If you have never heard that word before. Would that word be meaningful in the language of the mind? Yes? So, that is the all mind can do. Compare.

It derives its very existence from a relationship with knowledge. The thing must already be there in the mind by way of knowledge for it to make any sense to you. So that’s all the mind can do.

If it says something is good it is because it has been made to believe in the past that such are the benchmarks of ‘goodness.’ If it says something is moral or ethical then it is because it is made to believe that such are the standards of ethics otherwise it hardly knows anything.

So if your question is why does my mind compare anything and everything with the past? Then the answer is because that’s the only thing it can do nothing else is possible for the mind.

The question now needs to be broadened. The question must now be – “Do I need to know everything by way of comparison?” Alright!  the conditioned mind will only know something by comparing it. Right? The conditioned mind will only know something by comparing it. But will I also know everything by comparing it?  Is that an obligation upon me as well? No, that’s not really an obligation upon you. That is an obligation upon the conditioned part of the cells. But not really upon you. If that is an obligation upon you then, Life will become very terrible. Because it would imply that there is no possibility of any ‘newness.’ Only that will come to me that has a relation to the past. So, nothing new then can come to me. That is a terrible thing to happen.

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To break-up or not to break-up? || Acharya Prashant (2018)

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Question: How to get rid of a relationship that gives pain in leaving?

Acharya Prashant: A few things must be clear.

One, if it is really a bad relationship, then you can have no pain in leaving it because the pain is already there.

How can there be a pain in leaving it because there is a lot of pain in living it?

You cannot have pain in leaving it; rather you are leaving the pain.

Second thing, dropping a relationship, does not mean dropping the other person. If you think that dropping the other person will lead to a change in the relationship, you are mistaken.

All your relationships are fundamentally a reflection of yourself.

You chose the other person.

If you remain the same, then you will find another person to have the same kind of relationship with.

You are a drunkard; you go to the market to fetch some liquor. If one shop is closed, what will you do? You will go to another shop, establish the same kind of relationship with that shop and get the same kind of intoxication from that shop.

You may keep changing shops, that does not change the relationship.

It is a very fine thing that you must understand. You can keep changing persons in your life, and yet you will find that your relationship is just the same because you haven’t changed. You have kept dropping the persons, you may keep changing shops, but wherever you go, you are just asking for liquor. So your relationship with any shop is just the same. Even if you are going to a shoe shop, you are asking for liquor.

That is one approach, the other approach is, “I chose the other person and if I remain the same, I will keep choosing persons of the same quality.” Why drop the person? Every person is a universe. What do I relate to,  in that person? What does that person become in my presence? Can I let the person ‘be’ and rather change the relationship?

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To be alive is to be working

To be alive is to be working. You are working all the time, because ‘action’ is happening all the time.

“Work is not outside of me, work is an expression of me.” Work is not outside of me, work is just an expression of who I am.

If the first category is where you belong to, then work is sufficient. The return, the reward, is contained in the work. If the second category is where you belong to, then work is not sufficient. Then work, plus, rewards is what you are looking for.

The salary is not contained in the work. The salary is an output of the work. This is the second way of living.

Man is the only one, who has to support his ambitions as well. Man is the only one, who has to support his psychological self as well. Then obviously, supporting yourself becomes a burden. Then obviously, just carrying on with life, becomes a burden. Because life is demanding so much.

Do not live a life that tries to escape work, and also do not live a life that uses work as a medium for psychological aggrandization.

Work must always be there as an expression of your Heart.

Action is always happening. You cannot avoid action. Even avoiding action is just another action. So, action will happen.

Fight hard and then let what is going to happen, happen. Do not worry about the result. Just say, that I did what I had to, and I have now devoted the result to you(Krishna).



Read the complete article: Acharya Prashant on Khalil Gibran: How to know the right work for oneself?